Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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