Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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