tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
