my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
