Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize