Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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