How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
