Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize