I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
