alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
