Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
