I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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