I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
