I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
