i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
