I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
