We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
