omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
