What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
