True but thats because hes a fetus.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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