and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Randomize
