Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
