Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
