Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize