So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The adults are the big ones right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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