So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
