DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
