I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
