is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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