ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
