I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
