the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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