this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
