Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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