I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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