i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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