I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize