you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Randomize
