I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
