make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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