OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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