and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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