i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
