Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
