i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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