I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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