thus making me awesome and them whores
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
