what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
