I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
