I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize