True but thats because hes a fetus.
My cat gives me a boner
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
