She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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