So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there's paper in my vomit.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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