friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
