Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
