Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
its liver damage thursday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
