but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
