I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
