I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You left your phone here
Wait...
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