I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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