i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
