mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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