I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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