My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
