Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
