The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
