He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I want is dick and wine.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize