You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
