she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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