Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize