i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
